remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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