I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
BRING THE BAGELS
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
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