Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
