I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
i would one night stand the shit outta him
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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