we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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