Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
