I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
I feel great
I just peed on a car
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
Randomize
