I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Randomize
