That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
