hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
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