some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
