Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
Enjoy the penises
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
