I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
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