wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
