Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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