There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
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