If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
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