Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
Randomize
