Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Randomize
