Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
