my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
Randomize
