wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Randomize
