After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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