the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
Randomize
