I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
Randomize
