I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
