drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
you didnt know i had herpes?
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Randomize
