You smell like a Billy Joel song
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Randomize
