real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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