from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
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