Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
