I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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