don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
Randomize
