$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
Randomize
