there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
