Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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