i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
