The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Randomize
