My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Randomize
