So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Randomize
