I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize
