would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Randomize
