Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Randomize
