I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
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