FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
this just has baby written all over it
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize