We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize
