you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
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