So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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