Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
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