I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Randomize
