i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
My Sexting was not on an AP level
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Randomize
