My nipple is on Facebook.
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
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