All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
