Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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