i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
