Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize