If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
