yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
sick fucks of a feather flock together
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
Randomize
