I need help removing her.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize