Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
When are your genitals available?
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
