I hate your face
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
