why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize