I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Randomize
