We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
