y did u give ur computer a hand job?
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Randomize
