Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
Randomize
