So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Randomize
