you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
