I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Randomize
