its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
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