Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Randomize
