People with herpes should wear stickers.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize
